Channeling my Inner Dana Jacobson

Fuck Notre Dame
Fuck South Bend
Fuck the Joyce Center
Fuck the Notre Dame Victory March
Fuck Leprechauns
Fuck 75% of the girls in the student section being named "Maureen" "Colleen" or some variant of "Mary (something)"
Fuck Mike Brey
Fuck Luke Harangody
Fuck the Golden Dome
Fuck the Four Horsemen
Fuck Legends, a bar with less character than a suburban TGI Fridays at noon on a Wednesday
Fuck sitting around in your room watching golf on a Saturday afternoon NOT DRINKING debating whether you should buy a new 300 dollar putter
Fuck Charlie Weis
Fuck Charlie Weis' fat ass
Fuck the yearly sense of entitlements to football National Championships despite only winning one since the Carter Administration. Florida won as many National titles this month as ND has won in the last 31 years.
Fuck people who think ND is an elite college football program, but in truth, don't belong on the same field as USC's practice squad
Fuck Kyle McIlarney
Fuck Chris Thomas
Fuck Touchdown Jesus
Fuck the mentality that Jesus gives a shit about how many touchdowns ND scores
Fuck the mentality that Jesus, if given a choice, would gladly score the touchdowns for ND himself
Fuck Rudy
Fuck the Gipper
Fuck Digger Phelps
Fuck Digger Phelps' highlighter
Fuck Digger Phelps' tie that impeccably matches his highlighter
Fuck Digger Phelps' ALWAYS picking ND, and NEVER picking Marquette when their resumes should direct the opposite picks
Fuck dickwad Joyce Center security who wouldn't let Vinnie bring his sign in
Fuck hick townies who rag on Marquette and Milwaukee when we're beating them by double digits
Fuck your bottomless endowment
Fuck Brady Quinn
Fuck Gold helmets
Fuck Green jerseys
Fuck Black jerseys
Fuck any campus that at any time has had TWO on-campus golf courses
Fuck that damn drum cadence that's been stuck in my head for two days now
Fuck the media's constant overrating love affair with ND
Fuck Regis Philbin
Fuck Hannah Storm
Fuck Steve Bartman
Fuck Josiah Bartlett

Happy 2,000 posts, YCS!

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Hater post... because Mike encouraged me

Mike and I are G-Chatting while watching Gameday on ESPN. Because I'm lazy, I'll do a copy and paste:

Michael: oh man
this should be YCS gold
the college gameday crew is going to come back from break an "try to define 'toughness'"

me: yeah, i'm watching this

Michael: i loved bobby knight's commentary earlier
"i never thought id get out of this building alive...i needed digger to protect me three different times...the hell with green."

me: even better they just screwed up, came back from commercial too early and got cut off
love it
i have the volume on sorta low, and about three different times when they said Digger, i swore i heard "n****r"

[The analysts pick guys in college hoops that are "tough." Hubert picks Tyler Hansborough and Blake Griffin. Jay picks Stephen Curry.]

me: i love how hubert's two guys who are "tough" also happen to be like the two best players in college bball
and jay's being the third best
nice sign: "luke eats huskies for breakfast"

Michael: (forehead smack)

me: i guess he's mongolian now

[Out of nowhere, the Harlem Globetrotters appear on screen to preview an upcoming segment as they go to break.]

Michael: harlem globetrotters? WTF?
me: hahaha yes!
just because i love that music

[After commercial, the crew segways to a piece about the death of Kay Yow.]

Michael: ah, the obligatory human interest piece dovetails nicely with the "ok, the segment we just had was completely irrelevant. because 'toughness' on a basketball court can't hold a candle to a cancer battle."

me: of course
psh, big deal
breast cancer
pretty much every woman gets that

Michael: did she have cancer cancer or just cancer?

me: if she was so tough she'd have survived

[The screaming student section has gone silent as they've done the Kay Yow segment.]

Michael: man guys, way to suck the wind out of the building

me: hahaha, no foolin

Michael: i want to hear the nd band play "every time we touch" like the last time i went to the JACC
something inherently hilarious about a techno song sung by a german vixen being played on a tuba by a fat kid from renssallear

me: i also like the sign "Thabeet can't spell ESPN"
typical ND elitist / borderline racist slam

Michael: i also liked the thoroughly unoriginal sign "what was the price of the laptops?"
idiots
what a timely slam
got any hanging chad or judge ito signs too?

me: yeah, what the hell
a) we covered that one better than they ever could [refering to cardboard laptops with Marcus Williams's mugshot on the screen, crafted by friend-of-YCS Mach for the Marquette student section during our 2006 battle with then-#2 UConn] , b) i don't think they would have any remaining players from that team, and c) that guy's a fuckwad

Michael: yea no kidding. that was 3 years ago. anyone from that team 3 years ago, have either graduated or gone to the NBA.

[Harlem Globetrotters segment begins.]

sweet georgia brown!

me: i wish this music just followed me around all day

me: i would probably do everything with a lot more flair and style
do little 360 twirls before i put stuff on people's desks at work
flip my kitchen utensils in the air while i'm cooking and catch them with my toes
'twould be badass

Michael: i dare digger to pick either uconn or mu

[Digger submits his pick of Notre Dame, citing some rubbish about Harngody playing big or something.]

me: digger shocks the world
picks ND

Michael: that almost reads like an onion headline
digger shocks world, picks ND to win at home when ND hosts college gameday


...Here you go, Mike:

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The only coaching staff that would appease the Notre Dame faithful

Head Coach
Knute Rockne's re-animated corpse

Offensive Coordinator
Mike Leach

Defensive Coordinator
Monte Kiffin

Quarterback Coach
Joe Montana

Special Teams Coach
Genie in a lamp

Head Trainer
Dr. James Andrews

Team Doctor
House

Speical Consultant
Stephen Hawking

Team Chaplain
Jesus T. Christ

Recruiting Director
Paul Hornung

Dean of Student Athletes
Helen Keller

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The asshole in the Brady Quinn jersey

As best I can, I always try to put on the veil of objectivity when it comes to sports allegiences. But I make no bones about it--Marquette basketball is where that self-control ends and emotion takes over.

....Which is why I always find a reason to try to hate our oppenents (because, unfortunately, hate is not in my blood). But when it comes to ND, it's so easy to put a face on "I hate your ass, and I want your team to lose."

And that asshole in the Brady Quinn jersey just won the prize tonight.

Asshole--You're obviously not a basketball fan. Your best piece of homerific team apparel is a Brady Quinn jersey, yet you have the gall to stand up clapping, all smug and NDasshole-like, before a TV timeout, to make yourself look good, when, in reality, your Quinn-jersey-wearing is just a defense mechanism so you can say (after hopefully a loss), "AT LEAST WE HAVE A FOOTBALL TEAM!"

Guess what, guy-I-don't-know-and-may-be-a-great-guy-if-I-gave-him-a-chance: You might pride yourself on making more money than our graduates (aggregately), but people like us (MU grads) way more than they like your pompous ass.

Go play/watch golf, and enjoy daddy's privilege, you shallow shit. Don't pretend you're a basketball fan because I know you're not.

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Irish to Head West

Despite missing out on a bowl game, suffering more losses than any year in school history, and generally being the national laughingstock of college football, Notre Dame can claim one thing. Undefeated champion of California. The Irish went undefeated in the Golden State in 2007, notching wins at UCLA and Stanford. Their loss to USC was at Notre Dame.

Following their victory over Stanford, the Irish announced that they would be playing the entirety of next season in California.

"Sure, I guess it will be hard holding practice and classes in South Bend and playing every week in California, but you can't argue with results. Bottom line is we won twice as many games in California this year as we won in South Bend," coach Charlie Weis told reporters having been doused with gatorade after the glorious victory over the Cardinal.

Irish QB Jimmy Clausen agreed, "If anything, it'll help from the stands. Forget those asshole alums who expect national titles every year as their god-given rights even though they never set a foot on the field. Leave them in South Bend. How's the lake-effect snow you fucks? I'm sitting on the beach in Cali with smokin' hot ladies instead of stuck-up pizza-faced girls named Colleen and Maureen from Renssalaer." As for the fans, they're just glad we're showing up in their part of the country.

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Somehow, I'm not too surprised by this

Imposter Priest gets past Notre Dame Stadium Security, no questions asked.

Then again, ND's offense could probably use all the divine intervention it can get, real or fake.

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Notre Dame to Play Against a Good Team BEFORE Getting Shellacked in a Bowl Game

Notre Dame's AD has announced that they have a deal to play Oklahoma in 2012 and 2013.

The deal is groundbreaking for the Irish, as outside of getting beaten by USC by three or four touchdowns seemingly every year, Notre Dame is used to playing the elite of college football almost exclusively in bowl games, where the Domers have not won since the staff of this blog was in fourth grade.

In recent years, Notre Dame has often spurned programs of Oklahoma's calibre when scheduling games; preferring instead to play a "national schedule" which is routinely rated as "one of the toughest in the country."

Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis commented, "It'll be really great to get Oklahoma so early in the season (replacing ND's current contract with Michigan.) Getting to play the Sooners one or two weeks into the season should really give our boys a good tune-up for the slugfests against Army and Syracuse later in the season."

Weis was further questioned on that point, with reporters noting that last year ND beat Army 41-9, and Army finished the season 3-9, so it didn't look like it was that tough of a game given that, well...few if any of the Army seniors are going to the NFL. They're probably going to Iraq. Weis retorted angrily.

"Yea, they're going to Iraq. You think they're a bunch of pussies? Tell that to al-Qae...you know what? You go ahead and write that story. You do your fuckin' job and I'll do mine. All I know is, Army didn't go to the Sugar Bowl last year and we did. Sure we lost 41-14, but all that means is if a few plays went the other way, then we were only a few plays away from winning. You know, we've got a winning streak against Navy that goes back to the Kennedy Administration. Think that's luck? Or that Navy just sucks? No. We fuckin' own those guys. Air Force and North Carolina don't beat themselves either. You guys think that just happens? No way. That's the end result of the tradition of excellence we expect out of our young men here at Notre Dame."

Weis then stormed out of the media room, and refused to answer any questions about the Irish's highly-anticipated showdown with Duke this year. The 1945 Sugar Bowl Champions visit South Bend on November 17th.

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Marquette-Notre Dame: This time, it's slightly less personal (because we've graduated) ...but personal nonetheless

While the Marquette-Notre Dame basketball rivalry may not grab the interest of the entire country, or even all of the teams' current players, this game always means a ton to us MU faithful--especially those of us from the Chicago area.

Like a lot of rivalries, MU-ND stems as much from academics and socioeconomics than from actual gameplay. Both schools offer Catholic-based educations and have historically held a storng presence in the midwest--particularly around Chicago. By reputation, Notre Dame is more provincial, prestegious, and acadmeically selective while Marquette is more welcoming to students of a less refined, lower achieving ilk.

From the Marquette perspective, Notre Dame is a blue-blooded, elitist club whose lofty standing far outpaces its true academic and social merit. From the Notre Dame perspective, Marquette is a harmless speck, a rung or two down the academic ladder, and its students are unruly drunks who harbor bitterness for their own failure to gain admittance to ND.

Of course, these are just extremes of the stereotypes, but they come out in full force each time the teams match up. Whether it's posterboard signs claiming a greater share of God's love or some bitchy, uptight lady scolding Nate, Mike and I for cheering too loudly at the Joyce Center, the MU-ND game always seems to reinforce these stereotypes.

To this day, Digger Phelps hates Marquette and is pretty bad at hiding it. If you'd watched him closely on ESPN last year, you'd have thought the Irish were the 10-6 team, and Marquette was the team struggling to make the Big East tourney.

The Marquette that Digger knew was the Marquette of Al McGuire, who--in their many matchups when both schools were independents--was constantly showing up the refs, showing up Digger's team, and showing up Digger. Also, Digger is a huge baby and hasn't gotten over a couple incidents when Marquette fans screamed profanities at him and his team.

This year, both teams are doing rather well, and both teams want a win pretty badly Saturday afternoon, so expect this year's atmosphere to be intense. If you have ESPN Full Court (the game is also on ABC), you may even catch a glimpse of YCS's Mike and Danny if you look hard enough (and if you know what they look like).

So if us MU grads on the YCS staff take a little extra pleasure in this game, should we win it, we just want you readers to know where we're coming from. We strive on this blog to be as objective and self-critical as we can be. But as a general rule, we really dislike Notre Dame and enjoy slandering their name.

You know, just so you understand where we're coming from.

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