When Elias-like stats go too far...

I haven't been keeping very good track of sports lately, and I've spent even less time watching ESPN than I'd like. However, I put on the TV for a few minutes tonight to catch some Baseball Tonight on the original ESPN and other highlights on ESPN-News during the commercials.

And I was totally annoyed within five minutes.

Honestly, I do not exaggerate. Within five minutes, these ESPN networks referenced four -- yes, four -- Elias Sports Bureau-like stats. Moreover, they tried to interpret these stats with comments like, "Well, look at the company that Cliff Lee is in."

Here are the stats that were so important to mention and so noteworthy as to further interpret:
1. The Yankees-Indians game was the first time that two 5-0 pitchers playing for sub-.500 teams matched up. Who cares?
2. Joey Votto was only the 4th first baseman of all time to hit 3 HR's in a single game while under the age of 26. Moreover, he was the only first baseman to accomplish that feat while also stealing a base in the game. Of course, the commentators made a big deal out of it because only Pujols, McCovey, and Frank Robinson had done it too. Obviously, Joey Votto is headed toward the Hall of Fame. Indisputable.
3. Cliff Lee is one of only a handful of pitchers in X number of years to start the season 6-0 and with a sub-1.00 ERA. Again, big deal. Some guys have started seasons well in the past. However, these "some guys" included Randy Johnson, Roger Clemens, and Pedro Martinez. Now all of the sudden, Cliff Lee is the ace of the next decade (which he actually may be, I don't know).
4. Finally, tonight somebody had 5 hits in a game including a walk-off game winner. Did you know only 4 players have accomplished that feat in the past two seasons? Really, I'm not kidding! Fortunately, the elite company in this category included Mark DeRosa, so nobody spent a whole lot of time talking about how great these players were. Nonetheless, this stat, with the others, was just totally annoying.

By the way, if you hadn't heard, I'm the first resident of my apartment under the age of 27 to ever have stayed up until 3 AM and then practiced with a rock'n'roll band the following day. I'm serious... no one else has done it. That feat puts me in some pretty elite company, eh?

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